This month has been full of challenges. There is no sugar-coating or false feelings behind this statement. It has been very challenging on so many levels. Where to begin… Well, let’s begin with the technological hurdles that I endured at the end of January. In one sudden second, my MacBook Pro decided to die on me. For many readers, this might not be a big deal (or maybe it is, I don’t know), but for me, my MacBook Pro is my creative medium. It allows me to flourish in videography and photography, in addition to keeping many spiritual notes. Sadly, after hours upon hours of trying to salvage the hard drive, it has officially died. Most of my work is saved on an external drive I possess, but anything recent is long gone. The kicker: I had just created a rich amount of material before I had a chance to save it.
Time is precious to me, and there seems to be less and less time to work on the things that will enhance my growth. February has gotten a stronghold of the little free time I have, and it has definitely put a strain on my mental well-being. Those reading this for the first time will just discover this, but yes, there are many thoughts and emotions behind this full, head of hair. Living a robotic lifestyle of back-and-forths, appointments, and commitments are not my cup-of-tea. I follow through because I am a responsible human being, but at the end of the day, my brain is fried. There comes a moment right past 11PM, I would say a few minutes after that my eyes officially give up. As much as I try to stay awake to finish my projects, my eyes begin to close on their own. My body quickly follows, and *poof!* another day is done. In the past, I would have stayed awake all night and commenced a new day without any issues. How I miss those days…
When I am driving to work, I always have either talk radio or my iPod blasting my favorite tunes. Lately, music has been my solace and escape. Every day we are bombarded with tragic news and unfortunate realities happening all over the world. This information has desensitized me to the point where it becomes white noise in the background. Society is going in all different directions, and that’s actually a good thing. I love seeing progress and illumination in the areas of medicine, science, technology, and humanitarian efforts. What bothers me is the ever-growing amount of yellow journalism infiltrating our lives. Drama, fear, and power are intertwined and delivered throughout the world without thinking of the consequences. As a result, there is a reactionary action, which usually ends in violence. This is very frustrating for me because I know what good humanity can do with the right direction and push. Negative news outweighs the positive, and hysteria is running rampant.
I’m all over the place in this post, so pardon my scatter-brain. After all, it is almost 11PM as I type this. Professionally, there have been many hurdles in obtaining the much-needed results I need. Most of these hurdles are beyond my control, but I take responsibility in making sure they are eliminated. There are days in which I feel I have taken a step forward, while simultaneously taking three back. The harder I try, the harder it becomes to achieve the desired results. My OCD begins to kick in, and I begin to freak out internally. Living in a world where results speak for themselves, I do everything in my power to avoid mediocrity. Sadly, others are not in sync with my level of thinking. This causes imbalance, which then leads to disarray. Each and every day, I begin the day full of energy and finish depleted. This month has truly kicked my ass.
Let me end on a positive note: February is my birthday month! As I celebrated my birthday earlier in the month, I analyzed how much I have grown since my last birthday. I know, it may sound cliche, but it’s true. I have grown to be a better man, guide, occultist, and left-hand practitioner. There are some things I would like to change, but all in due time. I really do not like to make a big deal about my birthday, but everyone else around me seems to enjoy it. It’s a good balance to have because sometimes we tend to get lost in this life, and we need a fresh reminder that being human is a wonderful thing.